


Secure, Contain, and Hail HYDRA

by Lauralot



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - SCP Foundation, Angst, Crack, Dammit Westfahl, Gen, HYDRA Trash Party, Humor, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-30 21:49:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3953002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lauralot/pseuds/Lauralot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last thing HYDRA needs is hundreds of dangerous magical and technological items at their disposal.</p><p>But that's exactly what they've got.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secure, Contain, and Hail HYDRA

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Обезопасить, сохранить и хайль ГИДРа!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3986155) by [Schwesterchen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schwesterchen/pseuds/Schwesterchen)



> For those who've never heard of the [SCP Foundation](http://www.scp-wiki.net/), it's a wiki consisting of fictional reports on artifacts and beings that are either threats to the world or just weird enough to be studied. So of course I had to explore the question "What if HYDRA got their hands on this crap?"

For the most part, HYDRA was willing to coexist with other covert organizations.  Oftentimes, they could form mutually beneficial relationships: Department X frequently traded intelligence and weaponry, as with the Winter Soldier.  As far as HYDRA was concerned, such groups could be dealt with along with the general populace once they had the world in their control.

But that tolerance only extended to those HYDRA did not consider a threat or those who were not holding out on potentially useful technologies.

The SCP Foundation met neither of those criteria.

Dr. Liang pushed her glasses up on her nose, shuffling through the seemingly endless boxes laid out on her lab tables.  HYDRA had stormed and taken one of the SCP containment facilities, and all the items deemed safe enough to move had been brought to her researchers for further study.

Most of those researchers had flocked to an odd vending machine and had yet to return.  As of now, only Liang herself and her assistant, Dr. Garza, remained.

“Look at this,” Garza said, setting an old Polaroid instant camera on the table top.  She was still holding the corresponding file.  “SCP-978.”

“What’s it do?” Liang asked, pausing her own explorations to redo her ponytail.  “Show the future?”  In that case, she’d likely be displayed strangling a load of lazy researchers.

“‘When a subject is pictured with SCP-978, the photograph that develops shows not what the subject was doing at the time of the photo, but rather what the subject wanted to be doing,’” Garza read aloud.

In that case, Liang would definitely be displaying strangling the other researchers.

Garza looked up from the file, a pleading light in her eyes.  And, hey, what the hell?  They were the only ones working.  They deserved a break for experimentation.

**Testing Log**

**Subject:** STRIKE Agent Rumlow  
**Photographed Activity:** Typing a mission report  
**Photo Result:** Subject wearing [DATA EXPUNGED] and Louboutin pumps, performing [DATA EXPUNGED] on Captain Rogers, who is wearing his STRIKE suit  
**Note:**  This is going straight on the Intranet. – Dr. L

 **Subject:** STRIKE Agent Rollins, immediately after the development of STRIKE Agent Rumlow’s photo  
**Photographed Activity:** Subject glaring at Agent Rumlow out of the frame  
**Photo Result:** Subject displayed slapping Agent Rumlow across the back of the head

 **Subject:** STRIKE Agent Anders  
**Photographed Activity:** Subject seated at her desk, eating a sandwich  
**Photo Result:** Photograph identical, save for a second sandwich on the desk.  
**Note:** It’s a damn good sandwich. – Agent A

 **Subject:** STRIKE Agent Murphy  
**Photographed Activity:** Subject microwaving a burrito in the break room  
**Photo Result:** Subject riding a unicorn through a field of mustard flowers.  The unicorn has cloven hooves, a goat-like beard, and a lion’s tail, which the subject insists is “historically accurate.”  There is a double rainbow in the sky.

 **Subject:** STRIKE Agent Westfahl  
**Photographed Activity:** Subject bending to retrieve spilled coffee stirrers  
**Photo Result:** Subject is seated on a throne, using the Asset as a footrest.  The asset wears a pair of fuzzy black cat ears.  Agent Mercer stands to the subject’s right, dressed as Princess Leia in Jabba’s palace during Episode VI, fanning Westfahl with a palm frond.

 **Subject:** STRIKE Agent Mercer  
**Photographed Activity:** Subject kicking STRIKE Agent Westfahl in the rear  
**Photo Result:** Subject is holding Agent Westfahl down, using a pair of pliers to [DATA EXPUNGED]  
**Note:** Dammit, Westfahl, I’m coming for you.  The days of your balls are numbered. – Agent M

 **Subject:** Asset, codename Winter Soldier  
**Photographed Activity:** Subject sleeping in the cryostasis chamber  
**Photo Result:** The cryostasis chamber is replaced by a coffin, presumably with the subject inside  
**Note:** Is he dreaming, or is he capable of thought in stasis?  Tech, look into this ASAP. – Dr. L

 **Subject:** Secretary of Defense Alexander Pierce  
**Photographed Activity:** Subject seated in his office  
**Photo Result:** Subject is [DATA EXPUNGED] the Asset with [DATA EXPUNGED], simultaneously wiping away his tears  
**Note:** Photograph is now in the possession of the Secretary for recreational use.

 **Subject:** Doc Cock, HYDRA’s in-house tentacle creature  
**Photographed Activity:** Subject curled in his cage  
**Photo Result:** Photograph identical, save for a human hand emerging from between subject’s tentacles

 **Subject:** STRIKE Captain Rogers (photograph taken without subject’s knowledge)  
**Photographed Activity:** Subject bench pressing weights in the SHIELD gym  
**Photo Result:** Subject in a dance hall, dressed in 1940s attire and dancing with a young Peggy Carter.  Bucky Barnes, in similar dress, sits in a chair at the edge of the frame.

 **Subject:** STRIKE Agent Romanoff (photograph taken without subject’s knowledge)  
**Photographed Activity:** Subject spotting Captain Rogers in the SHIELD gym  
**Photo Result:** Subject in a bathrobe, seated on a couch beside SHIELD Agent Barton.  Both are holding video game controllers and laughing.

 **Concluding Notes** : Depending on what the targets would rather be doing, this could be a wonderful weapon in HYDRA’s blackmail arsenal.  – Dr. L

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the [full SCP-978 report](http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-978) and testing logs, if you'd like to see them.


End file.
